Life in Poetry: My Maldita Girl

This seem to be a trend every December 31st, but anyways, you got to do things for love. Anyways, what I have right here is a poem a dedicate to one Emervy Jade Ballener. Pretty much there is nothing more I can say and its that I love this girl so much. She might have broken my heart, but I now she's going through something. I'm optimistic, but I don't know where everything goes from here. But at least, I want to leave this poem out to let her know that I love her. No matter what, you're always special to me. Thank you for the moments we had, I love you you maldita girl, so, here it is...

My Maldita Girl
by: Noel Yulo

I used to think that she can be as sweet as sugar

Lovable, caring, molded the same way as an angel

But little did I know that she is quite special in ways

Ways that would leave me dumbfounded for days

And as much as I would like to think that she's okay

There is just more to her than what people would say

But that's why she's special despite she left me in a twirl

There is really nothing compared to my dear maldita girl

The first time I saw her, her beauty captured me eyes

I wouldn’t thought she would captivate me by surprise

While I didn’t hope that I’ll get a chance to meet her

Destiny seemed to have plans for us to meet each other

My friends would talk to her and shout out my name

I would shy out but a “Hi!” she would always say

I know that she’s only forcing herself to greet an “elder”

But that’s how my interest started for this maldita girl

I didn’t really plan for us to be more than acquaintance

Frankly speaking I always forget what her name was

I went with my life not wondering how or where she is

Until one hot afternoon going home I saw her in a dress

“That’s gotta be the girl I had a crush on during the review”

“Can’t believe we’re just neighbors, who would have known”

From there on knowing her name was a priority, I was on a whirl

I guess I wanted to know more things about this maldita girl

So the determined finally got what he was looking for

I was already on the outside and about to knock on her door

No more hello exchanges, I was about to enter in her life

Didn’t know what to expect but I already had her in my sight

So I added her in Facebook and in few days accepted my request

I sent her out quickly a message not wanting to fail in my quest

I thought she ignored it but after a few days a got a reply from her

I couldn’t believe I was having a conversation with the maldita girl

Not long thereafter we pretty much got to know more each other

She was an interesting girl to say at least and has a sense of humor

I got to ask for her number and she quickly handed it out

God himself was looking down on me that day from above

It went on from days and to conclude it she was a pretty cool chick

Those early moments we had were like the start of a romantic flick

I didn’t want to think more than what was happening between us I swear

But to be honest I got confused if I was already falling for this maldita girl

After a grueling wait I finally found out that I passed the board exam

Of course, I had to checked immediately and called my new found “friend”

It was a blessing indeed when I found out she passed as well

But at that time I was confused, my feelings for her I couldn’t tell

She was having a thanksgiving party and surprisingly I got invited

She didn’t knew me that much yet but I definitely was delighted

Surrounded by her family and close friends, I felt out of place

But I couldn’t care, I got an invite from the maldita girl anyways

We stayed in touch through text and I was always updated about her

She would tell me about her day went as an event organizer

She got acquainted with my friends and they would tease me a lot

“Noel has a new girl again” they would say, but I said she isn’t

My heart got broken for so many times that I was truly afraid

But slowly but surely my heart grew fonder for her every day

She had an interesting past that made me unsure of this girl

But deep inside I wanted to be the future of this maldita girl

I would often visit her at work and we would go out for dinner

At times we would just go out and do things altogether

I’ve never had an experience like this with any other woman

Whenever I’m with her we’d always find ways to have fun

That’s why one evening while we were talking over the phone

Through circumstances I had to say those three damn words

“I Love you, Emervy”, and every feelings went on a swirl

I finally made my feelings clear for the shocked maldita girl

Nothing was automatic, and of course it was a slow process

At first it felt like she rejected me but she just wasn’t sure yet

My heart got broken that night but unlike those times in the past

I didn’t weep for that long and I got up to my feet really fast

She asked me a question before that I applied on to that moment

“Why didn’t you got for a second try to the girls you’ve loved before?”

And I answered, “There was no point on going after again for those girls”

But for this time around, I wanted to fight for my love for the maldita girl

Everything was good on that point, everything felt in place

I was a little bit on a rush but I just have to keep up with her pace

I would forget that moment where we talked in a coffee shop

I got curious and asked her bluntly who I was in her life?

She told me to give her choices and she would just pick one

I was teary-eyed when I found out I’m her special someone

I felt I was in a good place, the best thing just happened to me

I was touching maldita girl’s hand and the moment felt forever

But as everything seem to go into the right direction

Something happened that was out of my expectations

She suddenly disappeared, no single word was said

I looked for her, I wanted to know what happened

She said she was just looking for herself, she’ll be fine

I asked about us, she said you’ll just know in time

At that point she explained to me what a girl she really is

It was at this point she told me what a maldita girl she is

I tried to hang-on, I tried to understand what she was going through

But she left me in a cold position, she just left and gone she flew

I just wanted to know where she would like me to place myself

But she was busy she says, ignored my words like she’s deaf

I was getting annoying, a first time in my life I was

But I love her too much just not to give a fuck

“I’m very busy Noel, please, please stop bugging me”

Her message hit me strong, and from there on it was clear

My love for her was stained, I got confused with my feelings again

I wanted to hate her for treating me like crap, I was going insane

I didn’t want to be on this position again, but she made sure I did

She couldn’t give a two cents anymore if I was dying slowly in my bed

My friends told me to just move on, she’s not worth of my love

But I knew her more than my friends, they didn’t know what’s up

I knew nothing has ended yet, and it took me some time to think about it

I got lost in transition, was down, but I’m finally back on my feet

I miss the times when I would borrow her phone and check her pictures

The times we went out having fun, at times giving one another a lecture

Walking together and getting to hold her hand while we cross the streets

Hugging each other goodbye but secretly going to her head for a kiss

These are the moments that define my love for this girl

I’m pretty much convinced this maldita girl is the girl I’d die for

And nothing is much quite sure right now despite the things I want to hurl

People will think I’m crazy but I'm definitely in love with this maldita girl

She has completely captivated in whole my heart

To give up on her wouldn’t be really smart

No words can ever complete the way I can describe her

More ways than one I’d truly say I’ve fallen again all over

She has ripped me apart but I’m still in love with this fine lady

I miss the Emervy I thought I knew but I’ll still love the real Emervy

I know that there is nothing like her anywhere around the world

I’d keep on fighting if it means finally having her as my maldita girl

Me and the maldita girl. :D

Twas a Grey Christmas

How's my Christmas you ask? Oh, nothing much, greyer than grey.

It doesn't snow in the Philippines. The closest thing you can get to a snowy Christmas morning here is to have a raining Christmas morning. And that's how it was when I woke up in Christmas morning. Dark skies, moderate rain, just like I wanted my Christmas to be. You might be wondering why I wanted my Christmas to be that way. Well to be frank, for the past few months I haven't really been excited for Christmas. Its starting to be just another holiday, another day for me for that matter. Maybe its because of the crap that I've been through. And when you go to a lot of crap, its either you rise, go on and take it as a challenge or you can go down and let it take the colors of your life. For my part, I went through all of those but I ended having the colors of my life taken away from me. Now everything seems to be white and black, I don't feel like doing anything special anymore and worst of all, my outlook in life just turned gray.

Christmas is suppose to be the celebration of the birth of Jesus. While biblical historians have pointed out that Jesus wasn't technically born in December 25, its already an accepted creed for Christians around the world. But despite that, Christmas is also the celebration of giving. This is a season where family reunion happens, where the act of sharing is seen and where there is always extra on everything. Extra food, extra drinks, extra money, everything you can think off is extra on this day (I guess extra love counts too...pfft). Christmas for me has been about the two facts, but unbeknownst to the world, December 25th is also the day where the birth of some guy in the Philippines is celebrated. Yes, it is also my birthday.

While I always put over Jesus' birthday over mine, I guess it won't hurt if people also remember its my birthday. Everyone seems to be born randomly. I don't think parents ever plan when their child will be born (except if you were born in November, then your parents wanted to make you on Feb. 14), but it always feel nice if their child were born on a special date. Imagine what would the parents think if there child was born on All Soul's Day? But while parents, in my opinion, don't matter when their child would be born (maybe if the baby was born on the same date as a past tragedy), then any date will do. Being born in New Year's Day is quite awesome, but if you were born in Christmas, that is just plain extra special. "You're a blessing" or "You're special" seem to be said to anyone born in Christmas. But you can pretty much say it to any new born baby.

In a sense, being named Noel and was born in Christmas seem to give you enough leverage that you are special, that maybe you can do more than what others can. While I don't want to hype myself up, I always get the "amazed" look from people when they found out I was born on Christmas. The past Christmas have been good for me, amazing for some. But as you grow, the inevitable happens. Christmas loses it sense as you grow. Don't get me wrong, its still the most wonderful time of the year. But while other people get to celebrate this day and their birthday, I only get to celebrate those two things in one day. So if that day doesn't play out I wanted it to be, then pretty much everything is a wreck.

This year's Christmas was suppose to be a little bit special. It was my 21st birthday. I didn't expect a huge celebration or anything, but my parents surprised me again. While I am very thankful with the surprise, its a shame as I wasn't able to invite people as I've been downplaying the people around me that I won't be celebrating. But I shouldn't mind that because the important thing is that my closest friends will show up, then again, I was wrong. Only 4 friends dropped by, and pretty much, that was just the nail in the coffin. I don't want to keep grudges, it is what it is. I understand its Christmas, need to spend it with the family, but it was my debut. They didn't miss the past few Christmas, maybe for one last time (I would like to think this would be my last time to have a celebration on my birthday) they could show up. But all I got was a cold shoulder. And to top it all off, I didn't even got that much greetings. While Facebook is kind enough to remind that its your friend's birthday, some couldn't even bother. Like I said, I put Jesus' birthday over mine but it wouldn't hurt to greet someone, even someone you don't personally know a happy birthday. Then again, I'm a good guy, I won't take it against them. I'm just good ol' Noel Yulo.....no one cares. Still, I'm thankful for every person who greeted.

But despite all of that, I'm still thankful of the Christmas I had this year. It marked my 21st birthday and I got to celebrate it with people that matters most, my family. Sure it wasn't the way I could have planned it to be, but hey, as long as you got family around you, its already enough. Best of all, at least despite my "nobody" status, I still got few friends who cared to show up. This wasn't the best Christmas or birthday I ever had, but Christmas is still Christmas and a birthday is still a birthday, I could've had it worst, but I still get to enjoy it and lived to celebrate it. So for every hype that Christmas gets, just like anyone else despite its quite grey for me, you feel sad 'coz its finally over. And after waiting for a months its quite disappointing that it doesn't play out the way you want it to be, but what's done is done. You move one and wait for another 365 days, it isn't that long.

So twas a grey Christmas. Nothing much more you can ask for. Come to think of it, its quite sad that it didn't felt good. I wanted it to be gray, but at the end of the day, I wish it would be as colorful as the Christmas lights on the Christmas tree. In a way, I think I still had a great Christmas. I got to give gifts to my cousins, bought them and wrapped them myself. I practiced the true meaning of Christmas and I didn't forget who we offer this season for, the birth of our savior Jesus Christ. And by the way, I got to celebrate it like a boss. Well, it was another Christmas past. Can't say I'm looking forward for the next one as I still got a year of shit to go through, but I hope you had a very Merry Christmas. And to all, a goodnight!