Trying to fit the pieces again...
There are times that in my young age I think I have figured out life already. In truth, I still got a long ways to go. I don't even know what to do or what to say, I guess despite the times I say I am tired, I still have the urge to live with my life. Sometimes, I feel like I found the solutions to my problems in life but all of a sudden everything turns into a train wreck again. Nevertheless, I'm a fighter through and through. I never give up easily. But I'm just human, I get tired, I fall into weakness, I fall flat in the face of adversary at times. When I look at it on a positive note, despite all the hardships in life I've went through, I'm still alive. God still has kept me alive for some reason. I guess I just don't look at it that way that maybe I do have a greater purpose in life. But I don't know, I'm just human, I can be forgetful in nature.
When your 21 years old and mature for your age (I think I am), you tend to think a lot. And when you think a lot, more or so your life gets problematic. I'm just never contented with the things I have. I always want more than what others have. I want to have greater satisfaction in life than what others get. If I think I can get something even if its too much for me, I'll do my damn best to get it. But whenever I do that, I sometimes go out in control. I lose my grip in life and I just end up messing it up. I keep on chasing things I don't know if I can grab and hold on. A lot of people tell me to slow down, chill, I'm too young to chase on bigger dreams. But I say screw that, I feel like there's no problem trying to hit the big time in a young age. But I think I understand why people around me tell this, because when they look at me or hear my story, they see that I have overworked myself. It has stress me out and they see me unhealthy already. Guess I was too much for my own good, maybe I need to slow down in life and just let time pass by.
My life is filled with gap holes that I want to fill-in. The more holes I have the more its sucking the life out of me. In a sense I shouldn't have this much problems in my life if I just know how to run it. I know the right things to do in life but I never do them. I just don't. I can give advices to people but apparently I can't advise myself to live life properly. Sometimes I want to hit myself in the head so hard it will give me an awakening, a second life of sorts. I keep on using the problems as an excuse to have self pity. Problems come and go, point is I can get over them. Jesus is bigger than any problem but I just can't put that fact in my head. Checking my recent post here, all I talk about is how I'm drowned with problems. I'm getting tired and sick of it that sometimes I just wish I can get out of this hump and just be happy in life. I'd say to myself that "It ain't easy", but a voice inside tells me that actually, it is.
I call myself Deadman Walking, Epitome of Bad-Assery and Greatness Personified. Despite the cool names, I seem to cannot live by the creed those three split personalities have. I'm hypocrite to even call it my personalities because I seem to cannot be those personalities at all times. I feel like I just created characters with such unique personalities. These three is suppose to be me and I guess I should start being them at all times. I need to pick up myself, pick the pieces of my life and start fitting them into pieces. I know that I feel like a broken record when I say this, but I'm on a position to start a new. I just ended an ill-fated relationship, I'm about to get a new job position, the hostility in my environment have slowly calm down. This is the chance that I should take advantage with. I don't think I'll ever be that happy-go-lucky Noel Yulo, but the best I can do is be that simply happy Noel Yulo. I need to give myself a second coming, or third, or fourth. I don't know how many times I've tried to rebuild myself but I guess if its another go around, then its fine by me.
If someone is reading this right now that is having the same issue with me, well, all I can to you is that live up, be strong. I guess I'm not in the right position to say this, but all we can do in times like this is to pick up the pieces in our life, fit it in and go on with life. I believe in new beginnings and it doesn't matter how many times you start anew, you always find a way to be happy in life. If problems get you down, as much as you want to drown yourself in self-pity, shrug it off and rise above it. I got to stop being miserable in life. I know thinking a lot makes life more problematic, but I guess I just need to think on what I can do more to be happy in life. My life is a huge puzzle and the pieces are all over the floor. Its gonna take time to pick them up and fit them again, but hey, I can start on the sides and hopefully, slowly but surely, I'll finish fitting it all and see the clear picture on this puzzle of life.
When your 21 years old and mature for your age (I think I am), you tend to think a lot. And when you think a lot, more or so your life gets problematic. I'm just never contented with the things I have. I always want more than what others have. I want to have greater satisfaction in life than what others get. If I think I can get something even if its too much for me, I'll do my damn best to get it. But whenever I do that, I sometimes go out in control. I lose my grip in life and I just end up messing it up. I keep on chasing things I don't know if I can grab and hold on. A lot of people tell me to slow down, chill, I'm too young to chase on bigger dreams. But I say screw that, I feel like there's no problem trying to hit the big time in a young age. But I think I understand why people around me tell this, because when they look at me or hear my story, they see that I have overworked myself. It has stress me out and they see me unhealthy already. Guess I was too much for my own good, maybe I need to slow down in life and just let time pass by.
My life is filled with gap holes that I want to fill-in. The more holes I have the more its sucking the life out of me. In a sense I shouldn't have this much problems in my life if I just know how to run it. I know the right things to do in life but I never do them. I just don't. I can give advices to people but apparently I can't advise myself to live life properly. Sometimes I want to hit myself in the head so hard it will give me an awakening, a second life of sorts. I keep on using the problems as an excuse to have self pity. Problems come and go, point is I can get over them. Jesus is bigger than any problem but I just can't put that fact in my head. Checking my recent post here, all I talk about is how I'm drowned with problems. I'm getting tired and sick of it that sometimes I just wish I can get out of this hump and just be happy in life. I'd say to myself that "It ain't easy", but a voice inside tells me that actually, it is.
My heart is a dark forest. Need to shed some light in it.
I call myself Deadman Walking, Epitome of Bad-Assery and Greatness Personified. Despite the cool names, I seem to cannot live by the creed those three split personalities have. I'm hypocrite to even call it my personalities because I seem to cannot be those personalities at all times. I feel like I just created characters with such unique personalities. These three is suppose to be me and I guess I should start being them at all times. I need to pick up myself, pick the pieces of my life and start fitting them into pieces. I know that I feel like a broken record when I say this, but I'm on a position to start a new. I just ended an ill-fated relationship, I'm about to get a new job position, the hostility in my environment have slowly calm down. This is the chance that I should take advantage with. I don't think I'll ever be that happy-go-lucky Noel Yulo, but the best I can do is be that simply happy Noel Yulo. I need to give myself a second coming, or third, or fourth. I don't know how many times I've tried to rebuild myself but I guess if its another go around, then its fine by me.
If someone is reading this right now that is having the same issue with me, well, all I can to you is that live up, be strong. I guess I'm not in the right position to say this, but all we can do in times like this is to pick up the pieces in our life, fit it in and go on with life. I believe in new beginnings and it doesn't matter how many times you start anew, you always find a way to be happy in life. If problems get you down, as much as you want to drown yourself in self-pity, shrug it off and rise above it. I got to stop being miserable in life. I know thinking a lot makes life more problematic, but I guess I just need to think on what I can do more to be happy in life. My life is a huge puzzle and the pieces are all over the floor. Its gonna take time to pick them up and fit them again, but hey, I can start on the sides and hopefully, slowly but surely, I'll finish fitting it all and see the clear picture on this puzzle of life.
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