Sunday, August 28, 2011

The Comeback: Redemption, Triumph, and Victory on a 'Game 7' Nursing Board Exam

Before I start, let me just first say take you to a very interesting road of posts that I wrote here in my blog about my thoughts in my review for the NLE Board Exam and the Board Exam itself:

From trying to complete my cases...

My initial thoughts of taking my board exam...

My reaction to friends passing and gearing myself for my own moment...

And some complications during the review...

Although I never got to write about the time I took the board and never got to finish my post when I failed the December 2010 Board, it has been a long road and finally, I can finally write my "victory" post.

It was any ordinary saturday night. I decided to go to the gym and work out. Days before that, I already knew it was the night that the July 2011 results will come out. The day before that on a friday morning, I was already on the 9th day in my fourth straight St. Jude Novena. I had the feeling that God was telling me that the board exam results were coming out. I was prepared, but I was scared, something I wasn't during the first board. I was humbled after failing, and I guess that's what it took for me to seek God more. I almost lost God, but I cling on to that little faith I have. Over time it grew, an it deed. Came Saturday, and my faith was in all time high. I went to the gym to clear of my mind, but while I was lifting weights, I felt that angels were singing to me saying "I am a RN". In which I kept saying to myself, "I am a RN". It was a power of God that I just can't find the right words to explain. And after I was done, I checked my phone and I got six messages and three missed calls. On that moment, I knew it already. I made some calls, replied to some messages, God it was such a great feeling. I was the only one in the locker room, I was jumping wih joy and even my eyes were a little bit teary-eyed.

I came home and I received a hug from my mom. My dad was already drunk since he had a drink with his friends earlier afternoon and shook my hands and congratulated me. It was such an overwhelming feeling. I checked my Facebook and thank everyonethat greeted me. Didn't really got any congratulations to some people but whatever, I couldn't care at that time. A lot of of my already RN friends were spoiling the fun by saying that there is no job waiting, a lot of trainings and seminars to go through, but whatever, it was our moment, this was something they can't take from us. But seriously, I was also not into a frenzy compared to others, I was just happy, but at the same time content. Passing the board was a great achievement but not that impressive knowing there are thousands of RNs out there. I just knew that I was finally on the right track, I didn't have an idea what to do next, all I know is I wanted to get wasted and just celebrate.

Truth be told, I don't know what to say or what to write. Things have changed since then and to be honest, I'm not really in the mood to write but this was something I wanted to do, something I planned to do and I'm not going to miss this moment. Passing the board exam was something that I've always had in my mind since my first day at college of nursing. I know that graduating a BSN was just a preparation, passing the board is the first step to a life as a nurse. It was the validation that you are indeed a professional, a registered nurse. Failing the board taught me that being a registered nurse wasn't all that, I felt that I could succeed in life without having to achieve it. But deep inside, I wanted it, I craved for it. God knows I worked my ass off when I was still in school studying nursing. Sure, I didn't put that much effort to be the most intelligent student nurse at school or even at my class, but I can assure you that in duties, in the hospital, in the community, I worked my ass off. That's why I wanted to pass the board, to be professional, to validate my hard work in college and most of all, to serve God's people as a nurse.

Having to experience failure and passing it made me felt that I had it better than others. It gave me the perspective of having to know two sides of the story. It would have been nice if I pass the first time, but just that how things goes. God had a reason, as all of my friends said, and I guess He did have a reason. I guess that God wanted me to be stronger, to grasp life in a much better way. God wanted me to fall to know how much it takes to get back-up. It wasn't an easy path I tell you, but to finally get it, damn, it was a great feeling. Although with almost all my friends already registered nurses, it didn't had that much impact as I already knew what will transpire and some off them don't even have jobs yet, in truth no one really cared that much I passed. I made my family very happy but for the rest, they've been there and in regards to me passing, meh, it was just a different aura.

If I would have passed the first time, I would have written something special here. It would have been glorious, epic, outstanding. But now, its just feels bland. I'm just glad to know I passed, an anchor was lifted away, but I'm still working in a call center with no signs of leaving yet as I yet to earn and save money. Come to think of it, I want to celebrate with my friends but deep inside I feel like I don't need to celebrate. Life has exhausted me already that having a week off by doing nothing will be fine already for me. I still got a lot of shit to deal with but it damn sure feels like the biggest shit of them all has finally been flushed away.I'm just very thankful that God gave this to me. Now the only question remaining is where do I go from now? I have redeemed myself, I have triumphed over the adversity of becoming a professional nurse and I've gained victory in this "Game 7" Board Exam, what comes next. There are a lot of answers, scenarios, options I could choose but the current situation I have right now doesn't make them easy for me. I've got a lot on my plate right now I can't even write something glorious for me passing the board.

Nevertheless, I can finally say that my road to be a registered nurse is finally complete. Now all I need to focus now is to set a course to be a nurse. I don't know how much it takes, I don't know how it will go, but when I made that promise to God to serve his people as a nurse, even if not for a lifetime and just for a few years, I will find a way to achieve it. Being a nurse was something I wanted to do, but I know myself that I can do more than that. But this is my profession, this is what God wanted me to take. Live or let die, I will be a nurse no matter what. I have achieved first step, and I am on my way again for a road only God knows where it will take me. For my family and friends who have been there for me, thank you. To St. Jude be the glory. And especially to our Almighty God, thank you! Now I know how it feels like to comeback from losing the finals a year ago and winning it the next time. :D

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