4:15 PM
As I'm writing this, I only have four months and 12 days left until the December 2010 Philippine Nursing Licensure Examination. If you think about it, I still have enough time to study everything there is to study about Nursing. But there is just this scary feeling within me that I'm slowly running out of time. It's like the pressure is building up as hours and days passed by. My review has already started for two weeks running now. I still haven't reach a quarter of Phase 1, and I still need to go through Phase 2 and 3. I still have a lot of time to get a grip on myself, and yet there is this feeling that I won't be totally prepared on the big day. I don't know how I would end up getting ready for four months? How could I motivate myself to go to my at most limits? How could I push myself to pass the Board Exam? The plan of getting a high grade to top the board is even slipping my mind now. Thoughts of failing to get 50% of the correct answers is already occupying my mind. My mind is already teasing the idea that I may not do it. Me passing the Board Exam should be my destiny, let alone pass it with high marks. But I'm slowly crumbling right now, I'm afraid, I fear for the worst, it feels like it's coming. I don't know if I still have the confidence to believe in myself.
It was only eight hours ago that I took the post-test for our Fundamentals of Nursing in our review. It wasn't suppose to be as we were originally scheduled to have a lecture. Despite this change, we were already finished with our Fundamentals of Nursing lecture. Not everything was taught, but we were expected to know a lot of things already. We are BSN now, we graduated in nursing, we are bound to have known something already. I couldn't find a way yesterday to study a heavy topic in a span of six hours. I had to try, I did. I studied, but it felt like I still didn't study. My efforts to study wasn't enough, I wasn't able to study everything. It was already 1 in the morning, I had to sleep. As I woke up, I tried my best to cram out other aspects in Funda that I can study. I felt that I wasn't prepared as I went to the review center. This wasn't a graded exam. A graded exam back then in college didn't bother me because I knew that even if I fail it, I did well in the other aspects of the subject just enough to pass. But this is different. It's not graded, but it will measure if I learned something, or nothing at all.
I sat down on my chair, just keeping my brain relaxed until the exam started. As it was about to start, I went into a deep concentration. I answered the 1st questions nicely, I felt that I was doing good. I just had to focus and analyze well, and I know I will be able to choose the right answer. But as I went with the exam, I was getting less confident. I didn't knew that much about some stuff asked on the questions. I wasn't quite sure if I was choosing the right answers. I felt that it was hard when it shouldn't be. If I only knew, if I only knew about these topics, it could have been a breeze. No, my knowledge wasn't enough, but I went on. I didn't finish first, but I finished answering it all in my usual average speed, in contrast, is still quite fast. I was sort of confident with my answers. Multiple choice, you always think you picked the right answers. I took a break and played with my friend's PSP while waiting for everyone to finish. Despite my mind was busy playing, I was hoping that at least, without the proper preparation, I would still reach the 60% mark, or even the idea of just getting 50% would do. My aim was 70-80, my ok would be 60, my worst case scenario was 50. That was my condition I put to myself.
The lecturer that was suppose to give the rationalization arrived. I turned off the PSP, looking forward to know how I did for the post-test. As #1 started, I felt good that I got it. it was a no brainer. Then #2 came, I got it again. It looked good. But when my #3 was wrong, I slight feeling came into me. This is going to be a long rationalization. As the question items passed by, I have identified a lot of wrongs then right. The ratio was going 50%. My rights are 50% behind than my wrong. It didn't felt good. As I listened to the rationalization, I kept asking myself how the hell I goofed up a question. Why in the heck I chose this? Why did I chose to answer this? I didn't knew some of this stuff, that's why I got a wrong answer. I felt dumb, knowing that I only got 50% on the first 50 questions. 50 more to go, and I wasn't liking my chances anymore. As much as I have learned a lot in the rationalization, the idea that I got a lot of mistakes overtook my mind. When 10 items were already left, my percentage of correct answers have dropped to 40%. It was embarrassing already, I opted to continue counting my correct answers.
As my seatmates were counting how they did, I went into a deep realization and just said to myself, "I still have a lot of studying to do". Maybe it was a misfortune of getting the set of questions I didn't knew that much. Maybe everything I knew just didn't showed up in the exam. I know a lot, they just didn't show up. Maybe it was because I lacked sleep, my brain was dead tired. Or maybe my whole depressed love life affected me, i still had thoughts about her while I was answering the exams. All points are true, but all are bullshits. I don't know a lot. That's why I failed. It still was just like before, way back in college. I do bad in the exams. My average was getting 40-50%. My highest was always just 58-60%. My lowest was 30%, heck, I remembered I even got 20%. The difference? Back then it was graded, but like I said, other aspects in the subject got me a passing grade. I didn't study, never gave a lot of effort. Why would I? My student life was about having fun and just getting good grades. If I got good grades without giving that much effort in studying, then it's all good. Now? It's not graded. Just a proof that I will screw up in the board exam. Just a proof that studying is now more important than ever. This is for the board exam, this is all on me now. No other aspect will save me. It's all about getting the correct answers. Anyways, my seatmate got 65 items correct over 100. The other one got 62. One was pissed because he was aiming for a higher grade, one was just happy she passed. Both are smart people, but damn it I needed to be smart too if I want to pass the board exam.
I don't know how I will ever face that answer sheet of mine when it will be returned. I know it's a failure, but its already a reflection of what is inside my brain right now. And, it's not good and not that much. I went home reflecting on what I should do. Four months, 12 days, I'll have to read read, read, study, study, study. I know I'm a smart guy. I used to get 95% on my examinations back then. It used to pissed me off because I always aimed to be perfect. Gone are those days, but I need to be like that right now. I still have a lot of studying to do. I can still get up. I just have to make sure that I will know everything there is to know about nursing. That what ever questionnaire I answer, I would be able to answer it. With a clear focus and right analysis, I can find the correct answer among the choices. I must leave no room for error. I must be systematically able to get the correct answer. I must read my books by heart. The shortcuts the lecturers will teach won't be enough, I have to know everything behind those shortcuts. The Board Exam is four months away, but the pressure is on. To pass the board exam is my calling, to top it will be my destiny!!!
But for now, I must resume to my studying. This is no joke. I still got a lot of reading to do. What was suppose to be my "for a while" break has become four hours.
5:20 PM
It changes now.
It's make it or break it time.
May the Lord blessed me.
Let's do this.....:D
It was only eight hours ago that I took the post-test for our Fundamentals of Nursing in our review. It wasn't suppose to be as we were originally scheduled to have a lecture. Despite this change, we were already finished with our Fundamentals of Nursing lecture. Not everything was taught, but we were expected to know a lot of things already. We are BSN now, we graduated in nursing, we are bound to have known something already. I couldn't find a way yesterday to study a heavy topic in a span of six hours. I had to try, I did. I studied, but it felt like I still didn't study. My efforts to study wasn't enough, I wasn't able to study everything. It was already 1 in the morning, I had to sleep. As I woke up, I tried my best to cram out other aspects in Funda that I can study. I felt that I wasn't prepared as I went to the review center. This wasn't a graded exam. A graded exam back then in college didn't bother me because I knew that even if I fail it, I did well in the other aspects of the subject just enough to pass. But this is different. It's not graded, but it will measure if I learned something, or nothing at all.
I sat down on my chair, just keeping my brain relaxed until the exam started. As it was about to start, I went into a deep concentration. I answered the 1st questions nicely, I felt that I was doing good. I just had to focus and analyze well, and I know I will be able to choose the right answer. But as I went with the exam, I was getting less confident. I didn't knew that much about some stuff asked on the questions. I wasn't quite sure if I was choosing the right answers. I felt that it was hard when it shouldn't be. If I only knew, if I only knew about these topics, it could have been a breeze. No, my knowledge wasn't enough, but I went on. I didn't finish first, but I finished answering it all in my usual average speed, in contrast, is still quite fast. I was sort of confident with my answers. Multiple choice, you always think you picked the right answers. I took a break and played with my friend's PSP while waiting for everyone to finish. Despite my mind was busy playing, I was hoping that at least, without the proper preparation, I would still reach the 60% mark, or even the idea of just getting 50% would do. My aim was 70-80, my ok would be 60, my worst case scenario was 50. That was my condition I put to myself.
The lecturer that was suppose to give the rationalization arrived. I turned off the PSP, looking forward to know how I did for the post-test. As #1 started, I felt good that I got it. it was a no brainer. Then #2 came, I got it again. It looked good. But when my #3 was wrong, I slight feeling came into me. This is going to be a long rationalization. As the question items passed by, I have identified a lot of wrongs then right. The ratio was going 50%. My rights are 50% behind than my wrong. It didn't felt good. As I listened to the rationalization, I kept asking myself how the hell I goofed up a question. Why in the heck I chose this? Why did I chose to answer this? I didn't knew some of this stuff, that's why I got a wrong answer. I felt dumb, knowing that I only got 50% on the first 50 questions. 50 more to go, and I wasn't liking my chances anymore. As much as I have learned a lot in the rationalization, the idea that I got a lot of mistakes overtook my mind. When 10 items were already left, my percentage of correct answers have dropped to 40%. It was embarrassing already, I opted to continue counting my correct answers.
As my seatmates were counting how they did, I went into a deep realization and just said to myself, "I still have a lot of studying to do". Maybe it was a misfortune of getting the set of questions I didn't knew that much. Maybe everything I knew just didn't showed up in the exam. I know a lot, they just didn't show up. Maybe it was because I lacked sleep, my brain was dead tired. Or maybe my whole depressed love life affected me, i still had thoughts about her while I was answering the exams. All points are true, but all are bullshits. I don't know a lot. That's why I failed. It still was just like before, way back in college. I do bad in the exams. My average was getting 40-50%. My highest was always just 58-60%. My lowest was 30%, heck, I remembered I even got 20%. The difference? Back then it was graded, but like I said, other aspects in the subject got me a passing grade. I didn't study, never gave a lot of effort. Why would I? My student life was about having fun and just getting good grades. If I got good grades without giving that much effort in studying, then it's all good. Now? It's not graded. Just a proof that I will screw up in the board exam. Just a proof that studying is now more important than ever. This is for the board exam, this is all on me now. No other aspect will save me. It's all about getting the correct answers. Anyways, my seatmate got 65 items correct over 100. The other one got 62. One was pissed because he was aiming for a higher grade, one was just happy she passed. Both are smart people, but damn it I needed to be smart too if I want to pass the board exam.
I don't know how I will ever face that answer sheet of mine when it will be returned. I know it's a failure, but its already a reflection of what is inside my brain right now. And, it's not good and not that much. I went home reflecting on what I should do. Four months, 12 days, I'll have to read read, read, study, study, study. I know I'm a smart guy. I used to get 95% on my examinations back then. It used to pissed me off because I always aimed to be perfect. Gone are those days, but I need to be like that right now. I still have a lot of studying to do. I can still get up. I just have to make sure that I will know everything there is to know about nursing. That what ever questionnaire I answer, I would be able to answer it. With a clear focus and right analysis, I can find the correct answer among the choices. I must leave no room for error. I must be systematically able to get the correct answer. I must read my books by heart. The shortcuts the lecturers will teach won't be enough, I have to know everything behind those shortcuts. The Board Exam is four months away, but the pressure is on. To pass the board exam is my calling, to top it will be my destiny!!!
But for now, I must resume to my studying. This is no joke. I still got a lot of reading to do. What was suppose to be my "for a while" break has become four hours.
5:20 PM
It changes now.
It's make it or break it time.
May the Lord blessed me.
Let's do this.....:D
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